In 2021, my book More Christ, More Me was published. The journey I share in it was instrumental in discovering and leaning into my current vocation as an artist.
Watch the trailer for More Christ, More Me:
Growing up in a Korean American church as a pastor's daughter gave me a clear and specific picture of what it meant to live as a "good Christian girl": Honor your parents. Be humble. Consider others' needs above your own. Lead others with sacrifice. I strove to do it all.
Unfortunately, however, within my faith practice I received mixed messages regarding the source of my identity. It was communicated to me, mostly implicitly, that my value depended upon pleasing others, particularly my parents, while I simultaneously learned that, in Christ, my belovedness and worth were intrinsic. Add to this the complexity of trying to understand my place in American society as a child of immigrants, exposed to two cultures with divergent ideals and held to different expectations by both.
A conflict with my parents as a young adult forced me to confront and choose which narrative I really believed. My choice, which at the time I didn't recognize as a choice, left me confused, depressed, and questioning what I thought I knew about God.
I fell into toxic, exhausting cycles as I continued to serve in the church, but troubled as to why, if I was doing everything right, it tired me out so much. The fear of not loving enough, doing enough, being enough haunted me, so I drove myself harder only to find myself even more depleted and defeated. So the cycle went on and on…and I wondered, “Where is the abundant life that Christ promised? Why is guilt my constant companion when the cross was supposed to take my guilt away?”
Slowly, eventually, God led me toward a more robust theology. I deconstructed faulty old narratives and built new ones that propelled me toward a healthier self, more balanced relationships, and a freeing faith—one more closely aligned with God’s intentions. I offer my story because I believe that God wants this for you too.